2021-03-29 An Affirmation & Much More

A few weeks back I wrestled with a decision that I really wished I could have Rick’s input. After pondering for a few days, I felt I knew which direction to go but decided to wait until the end of the day to act. I remember thinking aloud “Rick, this feels like the right thingContinue reading “2021-03-29 An Affirmation & Much More”

12-25-2020 The Golden Touch of Daybreak

There was a beautiful sunrise this morning. I have not been awake for many sunrises this year, which is a deviation for me. (Continuous sleep eludes me, widowhood can do that.) I had always been a ‘lark’ rather than a ‘night owl’. Rick was the ultimate night owl but @ 5 years ago he tookContinue reading “12-25-2020 The Golden Touch of Daybreak”

2019-12-10 Capturing the Precious Gold

I grew up in Northern California where school children learn how the original 49ers filtered for gold in sluice boxes. If I intently choose to use the filter of ‘refinement’ (much like a sluice box) to look at late November & December of 2019 I see I was trying catch the thin wafers of goldContinue reading “2019-12-10 Capturing the Precious Gold”

2020-08-24 Whiskers & Dominoes

‘Whiskers‘ Because of SCU Lightning Complex fires our area was under Red Flag warning for possible evacuation. As I was gathering the important things and first aid items, I went into Rick’s side of the vanity drawers. Along with razor, travel shaving foam in the bottom of the white plastic organizer I found accumulation ofContinue reading “2020-08-24 Whiskers & Dominoes”

2019-11-21 The Effort to Be Normal

I remember our ride home after Rick received the official diagnosis of Stage 4 pancreatic cancer on November 21st. He remarked he never saw cancer coming as he did not know of any family member having cancer. I commented that with his Dad having a heart attack in his 50s and passing from Alzheimer’s inContinue reading “2019-11-21 The Effort to Be Normal”

2020-10-06 No October Island (but hearts = love)

I knew October 5th through 12th would be emotional this year with Facebook reminders of last year’s Maui vacation 5 weeks before Rick’s diagnosis. I was hoping to avoid what one grief book refers to as ‘The 10 Second Heartbreak’; where while going about regular tasks the realization of spousal loss hits –hard– almost likeContinue reading “2020-10-06 No October Island (but hearts = love)”

2020-08-19 Living in Our Dreams

I was listening to pianist Yiruma while trying to work. It was a song I had not heard before: “Love Me”. Within a few notes of the piano for some reason I flashed on Rick & I working on home projects through the years. This quickly evolved into feelings of pure happiness & satisfaction andContinue reading “2020-08-19 Living in Our Dreams”

2020-07-20 A Lesson in Passion

Rick said one of the first traits that attracted him to me was that I lived life with passion. Through the years he complimented me on the passion I showed toward our family, gardening, adventures, college studies and in later years in caregiving for Mom. In his last two months as his strength was eroding,Continue reading “2020-07-20 A Lesson in Passion”

2020-06-23 Bubble Therapy – Lifting Love

Around May I started blowing bubbles in my courtyard when I was feeling really down. It always lightened my mood, especially watching bubbles soaring upward. I wrote down the process to share with others journeying through grief. Lifting Love -(all you need is bubble soap, a wand and a breeze) Speak: Say their name orContinue reading “2020-06-23 Bubble Therapy – Lifting Love”

2020-09-08 Turning the Pages Back to Sept. 2019

September started out to be a bad month because I kept seeing Facebook pictures of Rick from one year ago and I would scrutinize them thinking “Were there telltale signs he was unwell? He does not look like anything is amiss.” or “Was it already Stage 4? He looks like nothing is wrong, he’s happy,Continue reading “2020-09-08 Turning the Pages Back to Sept. 2019”