2022-01-01 Going Back Two Years

Today dawned clear & cold (32 f) and I recalled Jan 1, 2020, which now it is such a wonderful memory. In 2020 Rick had just completed his first round of chemo and his ‘markers were down’ (indicating his tumor was possibly shrinking). He could now digest food and the pain meds were helping –Continue reading “2022-01-01 Going Back Two Years”

2021-10-22 The Writing Prompt

A Widow/Widowers group I am in has daily prompts to share our experience. This week one of the prompts was to describe what our loved one looked like. The words just started tumbling from my head & heart and my fingers could barely keep up typing. The first paragraph below was my post, the secondContinue reading “2021-10-22 The Writing Prompt”

2021-07-09 Birdsongs, Feathers & A Memory

Sudden recall of romantic early memories has been such a gift for me almost 16 months after Rick moved to paradise. Perhaps the density of widow fog is lessening because the past few days I have been more aware of birdsongs around my home. And today a memory came flooding back. When Rick first movedContinue reading “2021-07-09 Birdsongs, Feathers & A Memory”

2021-06-01 Light Shines Brightest in the Dark

Lately it is hard for me to keep it together. It has been 1 year, 2 months and 20 days since Rick ‘moved to paradise’ and in the past 5 days I have been in tears twice at our Department of Motor Vehicles while trying to change the title on Rick’s car. And mind you,Continue reading “2021-06-01 Light Shines Brightest in the Dark”

2021-03-29 An Affirmation & Much More

A few weeks back I wrestled with a decision that I really wished I could have Rick’s input. After pondering for a few days, I felt I knew which direction to go but decided to wait until the end of the day to act. I remember thinking aloud “Rick, this feels like the right thingContinue reading “2021-03-29 An Affirmation & Much More”

2020-12-25 The Golden Touch of Daybreak

There was a beautiful sunrise this morning. I have not been awake for many sunrises this year, which is a deviation for me. (Continuous sleep eludes me, widowhood can do that.) I had always been a ‘lark’ rather than a ‘night owl’. Rick was the ultimate night owl but @ 5 years ago he tookContinue reading “2020-12-25 The Golden Touch of Daybreak”

2019-12-10 Capturing the Precious Gold

I grew up in Northern California where school children learn how the original 49ers filtered for gold in sluice boxes. If I intently choose to use the filter of ‘refinement’ (much like a sluice box) to look at late November & December of 2019 I see I was trying catch the thin wafers of goldContinue reading “2019-12-10 Capturing the Precious Gold”

2020-08-24 Whiskers & Dominoes

‘Whiskers‘ Because of SCU Lightning Complex fires our area was under Red Flag warning for possible evacuation. As I was gathering the important things and first aid items, I went into Rick’s side of the vanity drawers. Along with razor, travel shaving foam in the bottom of the white plastic organizer I found accumulation ofContinue reading “2020-08-24 Whiskers & Dominoes”

2019-11-21 The Effort to Be Normal

I remember our ride home after Rick received the official diagnosis of Stage 4 pancreatic cancer on November 21st. He remarked he never saw cancer coming as he did not know of any family member having cancer. I commented that with his Dad having a heart attack in his 50s and passing from Alzheimer’s inContinue reading “2019-11-21 The Effort to Be Normal”

2020-10-06 No October Island (but hearts = love)

I knew October 5th through 12th would be emotional this year with Facebook reminders of last year’s Maui vacation 5 weeks before Rick’s diagnosis. I was hoping to avoid what one grief book refers to as ‘The 10 Second Heartbreak’; where while going about regular tasks the realization of spousal loss hits –hard– almost likeContinue reading “2020-10-06 No October Island (but hearts = love)”