2000-03-30 When It’s Meant to Be

In April 1999 I heard about a Christian Dating Service. Back then the process was to fill out a paper profile, supply a few pictures and make an interview video in their office. There were binders to thumb through and if you were interested in the paper profile you could view their VHS video andContinue reading “2000-03-30 When It’s Meant to Be”

2022-12-21 Hard Holidays

People seem stymied that I still straight-arm attempts to send me ‘holiday cheer’. With each well-meaning effort I am gutted that some family and friends can’t seem to recognize the draining loss that he is not here now. Although milestone dates like our wedding anniversary and Valentine’s Day are tough, they do not have theContinue reading “2022-12-21 Hard Holidays”

2022-03-20 Seeing Blooms & Blessings

As I walk into my third year with Rick not on this earthy plain I am getting better at being more deliberate in practicing mindfulness. I take time to notice not just flowers but their hues and details. I notice not just the change of temperature walking out my front door, but the scent inContinue reading “2022-03-20 Seeing Blooms & Blessings”

2022-01-01 Going Back Two Years

Today dawned clear & cold (32 f) and I recalled Jan 1, 2020, which now it is such a wonderful memory. In 2020 Rick had just completed his first round of chemo and his ‘markers were down’ (indicating his tumor was possibly shrinking). He could now digest food and the pain meds were helping –Continue reading “2022-01-01 Going Back Two Years”

2021-10-22 The Writing Prompt

A Widow/Widowers group I am in has daily prompts to share our experience. This week one of the prompts was to describe what our loved one looked like. The words just started tumbling from my head & heart and my fingers could barely keep up typing. The first paragraph below was my post, the secondContinue reading “2021-10-22 The Writing Prompt”

2021-07-09 Birdsongs, Feathers & A Memory

Sudden recall of romantic early memories has been such a gift for me almost 16 months after Rick moved to paradise. Perhaps the density of widow fog is lessening because the past few days I have been more aware of birdsongs around my home. And today a memory came flooding back. When Rick first movedContinue reading “2021-07-09 Birdsongs, Feathers & A Memory”

2021-06-01 Light Shines Brightest in the Dark

Lately it is hard for me to keep it together. It has been 1 year, 2 months and 20 days since Rick ‘moved to paradise’ and in the past 5 days I have been in tears twice at our Department of Motor Vehicles while trying to change the title on Rick’s car. And mind you,Continue reading “2021-06-01 Light Shines Brightest in the Dark”

2021-03-29 An Affirmation & Much More

A few weeks back I wrestled with a decision that I really wished I could have Rick’s input. After pondering for a few days, I felt I knew which direction to go but decided to wait until the end of the day to act. I remember thinking aloud “Rick, this feels like the right thingContinue reading “2021-03-29 An Affirmation & Much More”

2020-12-25 The Golden Touch of Daybreak

There was a beautiful sunrise this morning. I have not been awake for many sunrises this year, which is a deviation for me. (Continuous sleep eludes me, widowhood can do that.) I had always been a ‘lark’ rather than a ‘night owl’. Rick was the ultimate night owl but @ 5 years ago he tookContinue reading “2020-12-25 The Golden Touch of Daybreak”