2019-11-21 The Effort to Be Normal

I remember our ride home after Rick received the official diagnosis of Stage 4 pancreatic cancer on November 21st. He remarked he never saw cancer coming as he did not know of any family member having cancer. I commented that with his Dad having a heart attack in his 50s and passing from Alzheimer’s inContinue reading “2019-11-21 The Effort to Be Normal”

2020-10-06 No October Island (but hearts = love)

I knew October 5th through 12th would be emotional this year with Facebook reminders of last year’s Maui vacation 5 weeks before Rick’s diagnosis. I was hoping to avoid what one grief book refers to as ‘The 10 Second Heartbreak’; where while going about regular tasks the realization of spousal loss hits –hard– almost likeContinue reading “2020-10-06 No October Island (but hearts = love)”

2020-08-19 Living in Our Dreams

I was listening to pianist Yiruma while trying to work. It was a song I had not heard before: “Love Me”. Within a few notes of the piano for some reason I flashed on Rick & I working on home projects through the years. This quickly evolved into feelings of pure happiness & satisfaction andContinue reading “2020-08-19 Living in Our Dreams”

2020-07-20 A Lesson in Passion

Rick said one of the first traits that attracted him to me was that I lived life with passion. Through the years he complimented me on the passion I showed toward our family, gardening, adventures, college studies and in later years in caregiving for Mom. In his last two months as his strength was eroding,Continue reading “2020-07-20 A Lesson in Passion”

2020-06-23 Bubble Therapy – Lifting Love

Around May I started blowing bubbles in my courtyard when I was feeling really down. It always lightened my mood, especially watching bubbles soaring upward. I wrote down the process to share with others journeying through grief. Lifting Love -(all you need is bubble soap, a wand and a breeze) Speak: Say their name orContinue reading “2020-06-23 Bubble Therapy – Lifting Love”

2020-09-08 Turning the Pages Back to Sept. 2019

September started out to be a bad month because I kept seeing Facebook pictures of Rick from one year ago and I would scrutinize them thinking “Were there telltale signs he was unwell? He does not look like anything is amiss.” or “Was it already Stage 4? He looks like nothing is wrong, he’s happy,Continue reading “2020-09-08 Turning the Pages Back to Sept. 2019”

2020-05-28 Looking Back – Rick’s Last Conversation

The last lucid conversation Rick held was in his Oncologist’s office on a Monday. The pancreatic tumor was seriously compromising his body’s ability to get enough oxygen. And now the tumor on his liver was taking away his brain’s ability to focus and stay alert. So, the new path forward was for Rick to beginContinue reading “2020-05-28 Looking Back – Rick’s Last Conversation”

2020-06-16 Rick the Red Admiral Butterfly

I wrestled with a question that I really wish I had been able to ask Rick. I walked our Arroyo Trail while working through it and felt a bit better. All of a sudden a butterfly came close, landed ahead of me, then circled me and went back down the trail. Getting a closer look,Continue reading “2020-06-16 Rick the Red Admiral Butterfly”