2022-01-01 Going Back Two Years

Today dawned clear & cold (32 f) and I recalled Jan 1, 2020, which now it is such a wonderful memory. In 2020 Rick had just completed his first round of chemo and his ‘markers were down’ (indicating his tumor was possibly shrinking). He could now digest food and the pain meds were helping –Continue reading “2022-01-01 Going Back Two Years”

2019-12-10 Capturing the Precious Gold

I grew up in Northern California where school children learn how the original 49ers filtered for gold in sluice boxes. If I intently choose to use the filter of ‘refinement’ (much like a sluice box) to look at late November & December of 2019 I see I was trying catch the thin wafers of goldContinue reading “2019-12-10 Capturing the Precious Gold”

2019-11-21 The Effort to Be Normal

I remember our ride home after Rick received the official diagnosis of Stage 4 pancreatic cancer on November 21st. He remarked he never saw cancer coming as he did not know of any family member having cancer. I commented that with his Dad having a heart attack in his 50s and passing from Alzheimer’s inContinue reading “2019-11-21 The Effort to Be Normal”

2020-10-06 No October Island (but hearts = love)

I knew October 5th through 12th would be emotional this year with Facebook reminders of last year’s Maui vacation 5 weeks before Rick’s diagnosis. I was hoping to avoid what one grief book refers to as ‘The 10 Second Heartbreak’; where while going about regular tasks the realization of spousal loss hits –hard– almost likeContinue reading “2020-10-06 No October Island (but hearts = love)”

2020-09-08 Turning the Pages Back to Sept. 2019

September started out to be a bad month because I kept seeing Facebook pictures of Rick from one year ago and I would scrutinize them thinking “Were there telltale signs he was unwell? He does not look like anything is amiss.” or “Was it already Stage 4? He looks like nothing is wrong, he’s happy,Continue reading “2020-09-08 Turning the Pages Back to Sept. 2019”

2020-05-28 Looking Back – Rick’s Last Conversation

The last lucid conversation Rick held was in his Oncologist’s office on a Monday. The pancreatic tumor was seriously compromising his body’s ability to get enough oxygen. And now the tumor on his liver was taking away his brain’s ability to focus and stay alert. So, the new path forward was for Rick to beginContinue reading “2020-05-28 Looking Back – Rick’s Last Conversation”