September started out to be a bad month because I kept seeing Facebook pictures of Rick from one year ago and I would scrutinize them thinking “Were there telltale signs he was unwell? He does not look like anything is amiss.” or “Was it already Stage 4? He looks like nothing is wrong, he’s happy, energetic Rick.”
So now I am training my brain to look at these pictures and to focus on the latter part, the “he looks happy…” part. Because last September he was happy and we were living our best life!
We used our season tickets for SF Giants baseball games, we went to our local theatre for a Stephen Bishop concert or George Harrison tribute show. We returned to favorite places on the San Mateo coast and we finally stayed at the Fort Mason Hostel, where our room had a bedside view of Alcatraz.
We were taking late night walks in the Fall weather and catching up on our workday activities. We shared our high points but also anything that was weighing on us. We talked of how proud we were that our sons all seemed to be finding their way in life. We were looking forward to returning to Maui after about 10 years vacationing other islands and places.
And I know as September turns to October I will have many wonderful pictures of our Maui vacation to revisit. Maui…our first vacation spot together in 2001 and it was on our Honeymoon. In October 2019 we came full circle and had fun snorkeling, exploring, revisiting places from our honeymoon and celebrating with one awesome expensive dinner we both raved about. And all that just 6-9 weeks before Rick’s diagnosis.
So, Rick was still going ‘full throttle’, as it should have been for him. He lived his life story with many long chapters filled with fun, family, friends & frenetic adventures, and only a brief chapter fighting cancer. I would not want even another paragraph in his cancer chapter.
So, the rest of September will be better, and I will strive for October to be celebrating every picture, every memory of our last vacation together, of Rick finishing the next-to-the-last chapter, carefree and leading a life that was still open-ended.