Sudden recall of romantic early memories has been such a gift for me almost 16 months after Rick moved to paradise. Perhaps the density of widow fog is lessening because the past few days I have been more aware of birdsongs around my home. And today a memory came flooding back.
When Rick first moved in he was not an early riser and would frequently be awakened by the sound of birdsongs coming in through the opened 2nd story windows of our bedroom. In those early days he would remark it was nice to be woken by birdsong as it reminded him that he was no longer in his bachelor apartment by the BART tracks, that he was starting a wonderful new chapter of life. Hearing the song of the house finches now not only brings back that memory but also the giddy, sunny feelings of new love and a bright future.
I felt the need to step out on my patio and blow soap bubble kisses to Rick in celebration for those magic, early days 21 years ago and gratitude for the gift of the heart-hugging memory now.
With this great start to the day I went about the routine of taking the dog on a morning walk. My heart was still light, and I silently thanked Rick as I crossed the street. Soon I found a small dark brown feather which made me think it was a response from Rick. I tucked the feather in my pocket as Teddy and I walked along. As I got to a large open area, I pulled a dog treat out of my pocket, noticing the light breeze set the newly found feather free. It soared up and behind me. I turned to watch it sadly wondering “Oh, that feather wasn’t meant for me?”.
I stood rooted in the spot as the feather swirled up about 15 ft up and to the north, thinking that it reminded me of the CGI feather at the end of Forrest Gump. The satisfaction of seeing an actual feather naturally float and dance softened the blow that it had escaped my pocket. Again, I wondered “so, was that feather meant for me?”. Still in the same spot I watched as the feather turned back and slowly rocked down to earth, to me. As it descended to my eye level, I took just one step and cradled the feather! I was amazed that I got the answer of ‘Yes’. Now my heart was soaring!
I turned to go back home (and safely add the feather to my ‘Rick feathers’ collection!). I felt as if Rick was walking happily beside me, and I just leaned into that feeling. And then, tucked between the grass and sidewalk a sliver of bright blue caught my eye.
The rays of the morning sun seemed to electrify a blue jay feather. Now there was no doubt, that sweet precious memory is shared by both Rick & me. I not only believe this I also have a feeling of energy deep in my soul, a feeling that is becoming happily familiar. It’s true, our earthly bodies may pass on but love is forever. What a wonderful lesson I have learned, that the beauty and energy of love remains. I just need to be still and open and embrace the treasures in front of me.