A few weeks back I wrestled with a decision that I really wished I could have Rick’s input. After pondering for a few days, I felt I knew which direction to go but decided to wait until the end of the day to act. I remember thinking aloud “Rick, this feels like the right thing to do and I think you agree, too.”
About 70 minutes later I was looking for something in Rick’s shaving/travel caddy, which is 6 inches deep. As usual, opening his vanity drawer reminded me of all the talks we had at this same vanity while Rick shaved.
Once again, I found myself longing to see dark whiskers in the white sink. I took time to smell Rick’s shaving gel which warmly reminded me of our daily life. Then I smelled his cologne which Rick only wore for special occasions like weddings, romantic ‘dressy’ dinners, trips to the SF Ballet or a performance like Tony Bennett at Davies Symphony Hall.
As I rummaged around, I saw a slightly used travel-size tube of toothpaste that looked as if it had some shampoo on it. As I plucked it out intending to throw it away, I noticed that a group of whiskers had collected at the crimped end of the tube and looking closer at it my heart skipped a beat. The whiskers were in the shape of a heart!
Wanting to see it in stronger light I carried that little tube as if it were a Faberge egg, gently placing it on top of our laundry bin pedestal where a window gave off bright sunlight. I looked closely at it again then ran to get my phone to take a picture. It felt like I could not believe my eyes, like if I blinked the shape would look like just a clump or worse yet- I would knock the tube on the floor and the heart would smear. I looked again, snapped a picture, looked at the picture and then back at the tube, my eyes and heart soaking in the details of Rick’s whiskers collected in a heart-shape. Then I felt a warm ‘heart hug’ and for a second, time stood still. I smiled, mentally hugged him back and said “Thank you Honey for confirming my thinking is true. I know 100% what our decision is. And I love you, too!” Moments like these I feel Rick is so close and he is wearing his warm smile that always captivates me.