While out for a walk I was almost at the corner of our street when I saw him: A tanned man, not tall with dark hair. He wore a blue bike helmet with wrap-around sunglasses and was coasting his noisy black bike with fat tires coming out of our street.
In my head I heard the words “It’s Rick!” a split-second before my heart leapt. And then my heart did leap just as high as it ever has when I would see, hear or even think about Rick.
And in the next second, I saw that it was not Rick, it was just a stranger on a noisy bike. And I heard in my head “No, it’s not Rick” and I felt my heart settle back down.
But I realized I wasn’t feeling a sense of immense, heavy grief pulling my heart down low to despair. As I walked toward my house, I was curious about the range of emotions and how quickly they changed. Like a partly-cloudy day, when suddenly a cloud moves, and the sun is streaming so intensely it feels like a warm hug. And then the next cloud moves between the earth and the sun and you notice the temperature change. But you cannot deny how much warmth you felt from the sun, albeit fleeting. So, there is no denying the sun is still there.
My wonderful discovery on this day was this: I can still reach the highest elevation of love in a ‘heart leap’ yet again…yes that feeling is still there! I still have the depth and breadth of love for Rick, it is always with me.
It gives me encouragement to go on knowing that life still holds so many discoveries and delights for me and yet I’ll always feel the warmth and ‘leap’ in recalling the best memories.